Thursday, January 22, 2015

Modest proposal (satire)

One problem in this country has been getting worse and worse every year. Everyone hates it, but no one stops it. This problem needs to be addressed. The problem of Christmas decorations and commercials too early. There’s commercials starting in September now for Christmas. I think a way to slow down Christmas would be to get rid of Halloween. The average American spends $77.52 for Halloween between candy and costumes. Thats $2.2 billion total. We could save this money and put it towards better things. With saving this money and eliminating the holiday, Christmas would die down quicker. This money could be put towards the elimination of the Christmas Laws violators. Then the average family spends $700 every Christmas totaling $465 billion.  You can buy Christmas decorations on the same visit as you buy your Halloween candy. We need to do something about this and I have the perfect idea.
There should be laws for this. No commercials or decorations before December 1st. Anyone who violates these laws will be publicly executed on Christmas morning in the town center. There will be beheadings for everyone who violates it. This would end everything really fast. All the families would have to sit front row to watch. No one would want to die on Christmas so everything would come to an end. No more overdoing it and just the perfect amount of time. October for Halloween, November for Thanksgiving, and December for Christmas.The amount of money that people spend candy for Halloween, food for Thanksgiving, and decorations is insane. If we could cut the spending in half Christmas wouldn’t get as much hype. Less presents would make it more what the holidays are about, being with people you love. If we cut down on the spending every year eventually there could be around three or four small presents per kid per year. This would make everyone happy and Christmas would be more exciting.

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