The Meal: One Act Play

Didier Drogba and Fernando Torres are having lunch at the Chelsea FC training grounds. It is just the two of them in the room, as everyone else went home for the day. They are discussing what they have brought to the club.

 Drogba: I am a legend here, they love me.

Torres: They love me here too.

Drogba: (Laughing) No they don’t! Why do you think you got transferred to AC Milan! You couldn’t score a goal if your life depended on it!

Torres: (Offended) Either could you, you never score.

Drogba: I scored 100 goals here and you only scored 20 goals.

Torres: You also had a lot more games than I did.

Drogba: Still, you did so well at Liverpool and then you came here and became the joke of the league. Whenever someone misses a goal they say, “Oh, I just pulled a Torres”.

Torres:  Well that was only because I had one really bad miss with an open net. That happens to people all the time! It’s just I am expected to be a lot better so that is why I got loaned to AC Milan.

Drogba: Actually that is why I was told to have lunch with you.

Torres: (Confused) What do you mean?

Drogba: (In a more soothing tone) The whole loan thing was a lie. We actually cut you from the team, you are no longer on the club.

Torres: (Furious) You mean that I am not on any club at all?!

Drogba: The whole team talked about it and we decided that it was the best for the club if we cut you. Believe me, we put you out on the market but no one wanted you. I’m sorry Fernando.

(As he said this Diego Costa walks into the room.)

Costa: What are you guys yelling about? I could hear you all the way down the hallway.

Torres: Didier was just telling me about how I was not transferred and that I was actually cut from the team! Is this true?

Costa: I am so sorry Fernando but it was what was best for the club. Trust me, you are a great striker you just did not have the best production here. We spent £50 million on you and you did not do much.

Torres: What have you done since you came here?

Costa: I have only played six premier league games and I have already scored 8 goals here. You had 110 appearances and only scored 20 goals. I have almost scored more goals in the short time I have been here than the four years that you were here for.

Drogba: Guys, calm down. We all know as strikers how hard it is to score goals. Maybe Fernando just did not fit into the system here. Diego and I have just had better luck here.

Torres: (Picking up a knife) That’s it. Bring Mourinho in here right now or I will kill both of you right now!

Costa: Fernando just calm down lets talk this over and find out what is wrong.

Torres: I told you to call Mourinho now! Do what I say or you will regret it.

Drogba:(Scared) Okay! I will call him right now! ( Calls the manager) He will be here in a second.

Costa: You don’t have to do this. You could probably get signed by a club still. A lot of clubs need strikers and maybe you can fit in there. Maybe a MLS team will pick you up.

Torres: You think that I want to go to an awful American club?(Yelling) I deserve to be playing for a Champions League team! I was great with Liverpool and I can be great somewhere else. Where is Mourinho Didier, you told me he would be here in a second.

Drogba: Just give him a second he was finishing up bringing everything in from training earlier.

Costa: Just put the knife down and we can talk this all out. You don’t have to kill somebody over this. Maybe Mourinho will sign you back onto the team, you never know.

Drogba: I just heard him talking outside the room. He will be in here in a minute. Just calm down and don’t do anything you will regret.  

Torres: Good I need to have a nice long talk with him.

(Right after he says this Mourinho walks in and Torres throws at the knife at him. It hits him in the chest and he starts to bleed out)

Drogba: (Panicking) What are you doing?! That is one of the best managers in the world right there! I just told you that you don’t kill people because they cut you. If people did this there would be no managers in the world. People get cut, it’s a part of life. You just have to deal with it and move on.

Torres: It is what need to happen.

Costa: (Yelling) Are you crazy? You don’t just kill people when you don’t get what you want! You talk things out and figure out what is wrong.

Drogba: I’m calling this police this is getting out of hand.

Torres: They will never catch me!

(After he says this he runs out of the room and Drogba runs over to Mourinho and finds out that it is too late.)

Drogba: I can’t believe he did this just because he was cut.

Costa: I will go run after him and try to catch up with him. Stay here with Mourinho until the paramedics arrive.

Drogba: Be careful and make sure that the police know what he has done. I will call a team meeting after they take Mourinho away.

Costa: Okay, I will be there after we catch Fernando. I will make him pay for what he did.